Bullshit Talks & Long Walks

LOL let’s just get a good laugh in now because all my attempts to be nice have completely been thrown back into my face.  So I approached my roommate yesterday. I did it. I can’t believe I did it, but I did. I stopped what I was doing and whole heartedly apologized. I didn’t necessarily want to apologize but I felt like an apology is what I needed to do in order to start to move on. So as I sincerely apologize for not talking to her the past few weeks because I’m trying to work on me she says, “ok whatever.” And that was that. Moral of this little story is DON’T APOLOGIZE FOR SHIT YOU DON’T WANT TO APOLOGIZE FOR!

I can’t even believe she blew me off like that, like I have been making an effort and I can’t keep trying to fix something I don’t even want to fix for the sake of her! So I’m moving on and let me tell you, it is quite liberating.  It’s liberating to accept that I want this and need this and its okay.  It’s okay to want something different and to want to be and do something more than what I am currently doing right now.  Once again that’s just part of growing up!

So I went on a really long hike today with my really close guy friend, I’ll give him a fake name and call him Scott. So Scott and I are like best friends, at least we used to be exceptionally close until this inconvenience with my roommate occurred and he’s chosen to just hang out with her, but today we hiked. We hiked a huge mountain and sat at the top and talked for an hour.  And low-key it was such a bullshit conversation.  I say this and you probably think I am just a bitch and hate everyone. But honestly truly, he was fishing for gossip just so he can go back and tell my roommate and he couldn’t have made it anymore obvious.  So this hike that was supposed to be nice to catch up on ended up just being a bullshit talk…

But, I am happy! I truly am accepting that I need and want change and I feel like that’s the first step to a better and healthier lifestyle.  I am taking baby steps and it might take me a long time till I can say that I love the people around me again, but I will get there eventually.  A few close friends is all you need, and I have a few.  They might not be in my home or in my city, but they are close to me in my heart and always answer the phone when I call. I just gotta keep sipping my coffee.

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